may that kind of love not find me
Kismet • January 15, 2026 • 5 min read
Over lunch, my friend told us that there is a possibility she can’t go abroad for vacation.
She and her boyfriend planned a five-day getaway. Initially, they wanted to make it a month, but unfortunately, because of her work and because the school only allows five absences, they had to limit it to five days. That problem was solved, but another one came.
Her bank statement and certificate of employment were not enough to support her.
I told her, why not go for the sponsorship route, since her boyfriend has the financial capacity to be her sponsor? But she said it would be a lot of work for her boyfriend, and that her boyfriend would start saying a lot of things. And this is just the beginning.
I am not going into details, because this is not my story to tell, even though I have shared some parts.
What I realized from this is that I am really thankful that I am alone. That I have no one. Maybe God is protecting any man from me, because I know that if I were treated that way, I would wreck havoc. I am kidding—I would start a cold war.
I imagine that we are supposedly partners, a team. But why, in this kind of relationship, do I feel pressured and little? This is just from my perspective. I was watching her eyes, and there was no spark anymore—only worry about what her boyfriend would say to her again. I understand that he only wants to have a better life for her, but we can only take so much. We can only do so much, especially when the salary we get is only enough for surviving.
This is something I know I would not do. Because at this point, and from what my friend told me, he might give you the things you want, but he is not generous. He is not generous because he keeps tabs on what he gives you.
May this kind of love not find me, because I believe the other person should not be our enemy. Love should be something we are free from—the burden of the world. Love should be something we can come home to and know that we will be fine. But what if home has holes in its roof?
I just hope that if love finds me someday, I will not lose my sparkle—my muchness. That I will remain myself: whole, awake, and unafraid. That love will meet me where I am, not dim me to make itself comfortable.
