About anything and everything…
Clara Jane Daclizon Badil • December 10, 2025 • 5 min read
I’ll tell you the history of this. It may or may not be true. At the end, you will decide.
I read a book that asks: If you knew that a year from now you would die, what would you do? And man, I realized I have so many things I haven’t done yet. I haven’t taken enough pictures of my life, I haven’t made many friends, and I haven’t gone on any real adventure. If I were to die a year from now, it would feel like I wasted my life.
So I decided that I want to explore the world and expand the way I live. But then another question came: What little memories will I leave behind when I leave this world? Nothing. If one day my parents miss me, where will they go to remember me?
This sounds so dark, to be honest. At a young age, I’m already thinking about death. But what if Death really comes knocking at my door? I’m not ready to leave yet. Hell, I haven’t even kissed a man, held someone’s hand, drunk alcohol, or learned how to put on makeup.
There are so many things I want to do that I don’t even know where to begin.
And somehow, writing about my life feels like the right choice. But I know the truth: writing isn’t just a choice — it’s the only way I can preserve my life, the memories I will eventually leave behind.
And that’s how this idea — this website — came to fruition. By accepting the fact that I’m going to die, I finally started living my life.
Rootless Juanderer was not my first choice. Before this, I had come up with many names for the website — most of which I don’t even remember now, except for one: Hiraya Manawari.
Hiraya Manawari (ᜑᜒᜇᜌ ᜋᜈᜏᜇᜒ) means “May your dreams and aspirations come true” or “Hope it happens“.
Hiraya means a profound kind of ‘hope’ — or ‘sana’ — that signifies the fulfillment or actualization of one’s dreams, ambitions, and aspirations.
Manawari means the realization or fulfillment of hopes, aspirations, or ambitions.
No matter how beautiful this name is, it isn’t truly mine. Many people are already using this ancient Tagalog word. Someone had already claimed the domain name, and if I remember correctly, there’s even a business using it. So, this name could never be mine.
And on a random Sunday morning, I watched an anime — I’ve already forgotten the title. I don’t even remember the plot, except for one scene: there were booksellers traveling the world, selling books. In that scene, they were called ‘Rootless Wanderers,’ maybe because they didn’t have homes and only set up tents wherever they went. There was an old man, the leader, who said: ‘I will tell you something. It may or may not be true.’
The Rootless Wanderer really resonated with me because it felt like the story of my own life. I am rootless. I am a wanderer.
I am ‘rootless’ in the sense that I don’t have a permanent home. On paper, of course, I do, but in real life, I don’t. I’ve been moving from one house to another for as long as I can remember. My family owns several houses, so I move depending on the situation — for example, when I was in high school, my parents bought land and built a house near my school so commuting would be easier. No one really knows where to find me. My high school friends couldn’t guess which house I’m in at any given time. I don’t have a home of my own. I don’t have a permanent address. I have nothing to anchor me. I am free, like the wind.
But aside from my physical location, my interests are also rootless. I don’t settle for just one idea or one hobby — I’m always exploring. If something catches my interest, I’ll try it. My resume is proof: I’m interested in many things.
I am a wanderer in the sense that learning and exploration have always been highly encouraged in my family. My mother encouraged my reading and writing habits, while my father encouraged me to have as many hobbies as I could. I even remember telling him I was in love, and he asked me if I truly had enough hobbies. My grandparents, on the other hand, encouraged me to go out and explore the world. They would give me money on the condition that I didn’t stay at home and went as far as I could. Whenever I was home, my grandfather would always ask, ‘What’s your plan? When are you leaving, and where are you going?’ — and then hand me the money.
But this name was already taken. Just like Hiraya Manawari, someone else already owned it. Yet I was hell-bent on having it. So I started thinking about how I could tweak the name, and that’s when I decided to play with the words.
And then I remembered that I could tweak ‘WANderer’ into ‘JUANderer.’ The spelling is different, but the pronunciation is the same. To be honest, I thought it was really creative. I was so proud of myself. I mean, I know someone might have thought of or done this before, but hey — it felt like mine!
And maybe I was just lucky, or maybe God was helping me, or maybe it was simply a pure coincidence. But the more I looked at this name, the more I saw something that truly solidified my decision: this name would be mine, no matter what it cost me. Because this name represents my entire life.
ROOTLESS JUANDERER represents the name of my grandparents.
The ‘ES’ in ROOTLESS represents my maternal grandmother, Esther. May her soul rest in peace. She passed away last August, and that was when I hit rock bottom. Imagine — the first flower I bought after her death was for her coffin. It took me months to recover, and during that time, I started distancing myself from friends.
The ‘JUAN’ and ‘ED’ in JUANDERER represent my paternal grandparents: Juan and Edit. The ones who have taken care of me since I was in my mother’s womb. They know me inside out, and I guess I’ve always been their favorite headache. They’re the grandparents who spoiled me, and the ones who had no choice but to listen to me.
And that’s how this name came to be.
To be honest, I am just happy that I have something I can call mine. When I purchased this website, I used all the money that I have in my bank. I did not ask money from my parents. This website is my tears, blood, and sweat, and I am going to keep it as long as the Lord sees fit.
If I tell people that I have a website, the first question is usually whether I earn money from it. And my answer is no. The end goal of this website is not to make money, but if there happens to be any along the way, of course I’ll put it immediately into my savings account.
I told them this is just a hobby. And they were like, ‘Maybe you have a lot of money to afford it.’ Actually, no. If I were a Disney Princess, I’d be Cinderella, because I’m broke as hell.
The things we love — our hobbies — don’t need to be our side hustle.
this is good
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